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MY PLAYDATE WITH VAN HELSING
May. 8th, 2004 12:20 amStephen Sommers is not a great writer. He lays on thick the "wink-wink-laughable-on-purpose" dialogue -- so much so that the scant amount of dialogue that's supposed to be somewhat serious just comes off as boring. And his never-ending use of non-stop CG effects makes watching his movies more like watching someone play a videogame.
But here's the thing -- I didn't hate VAN HELSING, as every review had predicted I might.
What Sommers does have in spades is a lot of really kooky ideas, and the audacity of a hyperactive ten-year-old in telling you all about his kooky ideas. He's put all the classic monster movies into a blender, added caffeine and an XBox and a kick-ass stereo system, and hit "puree". The goop that spews forth is most certainly not palatable as fine cuisine -- or even as a long-running new franchise, as Universal is probably hoping. But, as most smoothies go, it's a nice diversion -- and like any "meal replacement", you're still a bit hungry afterwards, but at least it tasted okay going down.
In VAN HELSING's best moments, clever wins out over cringe-worthy. And even in its worst moments, Sommers is mostly aware that you're probably cringing and makes a hard left, keeping shiny distracting things in sight at all times.
The handful of boos and widespread snickering as the end credits rolled -- not to mention the dreadful word-of-mouth so far -- seals the deal that VAN HELSING will no doubt tank, and hard. And I have to admit, the final scene is dreadfully unneeded.
But I'm not sure that LA hipsters at the Arclight theater -- and most movie reviewers -- are Sommers' intended audience. My niece and nephew (11 and 8) giggled and gasped at all the right places, and were all smiles as the lights came up. "Why were those people booing, Uncle David?" asked the 11-year-old. "Wasn't it a good movie?"
I paused and looked her right in the eyes. "Did you have fun?" I asked her. They both nodded furiously. "It was cooooool!" mused the younger one. I had even caught him wiping away a tear at the (completely awful, forced, sappy, laugh-out-loud) emotional ending.
So, my inner ten-year-old had a great playdate with Mr. Sommers' inner ten-year-old, as well.
But here's the thing -- I didn't hate VAN HELSING, as every review had predicted I might.
What Sommers does have in spades is a lot of really kooky ideas, and the audacity of a hyperactive ten-year-old in telling you all about his kooky ideas. He's put all the classic monster movies into a blender, added caffeine and an XBox and a kick-ass stereo system, and hit "puree". The goop that spews forth is most certainly not palatable as fine cuisine -- or even as a long-running new franchise, as Universal is probably hoping. But, as most smoothies go, it's a nice diversion -- and like any "meal replacement", you're still a bit hungry afterwards, but at least it tasted okay going down.
In VAN HELSING's best moments, clever wins out over cringe-worthy. And even in its worst moments, Sommers is mostly aware that you're probably cringing and makes a hard left, keeping shiny distracting things in sight at all times.
The handful of boos and widespread snickering as the end credits rolled -- not to mention the dreadful word-of-mouth so far -- seals the deal that VAN HELSING will no doubt tank, and hard. And I have to admit, the final scene is dreadfully unneeded.
But I'm not sure that LA hipsters at the Arclight theater -- and most movie reviewers -- are Sommers' intended audience. My niece and nephew (11 and 8) giggled and gasped at all the right places, and were all smiles as the lights came up. "Why were those people booing, Uncle David?" asked the 11-year-old. "Wasn't it a good movie?"
I paused and looked her right in the eyes. "Did you have fun?" I asked her. They both nodded furiously. "It was cooooool!" mused the younger one. I had even caught him wiping away a tear at the (completely awful, forced, sappy, laugh-out-loud) emotional ending.
So, my inner ten-year-old had a great playdate with Mr. Sommers' inner ten-year-old, as well.
